Friday, March 4, 2011

nothing more, nothing less

This week has been quiet, restful. God knows me so well; He knew i needed it after a few exhausting stretches of work over the past few weeks. why was i so exhausted? i felt frustrated because i felt like i was trying to be faithful in all the roles that God had given me, but i'd often feel disappointed and defeated at the end of the day because i didn't do enough and wasn't good enough at what i was doing. i always felt like i had to strive to perform, jump through hoops, go leaps and bounds, and exhaust myself to please God by the end of the day. but maybe all the while, God has been pushing aside all of my efforts to succeed and perform and simply asking me to OBEY. each day, i want to learn to listen for God's voice and what He calls me to do that very day - even if that doesn't include my extravagant efforts and showy sacrifices/external actions to please God. if God asks me to love my students through a simple conversation rather than expend my energy, lose sleep, and get stressed over trying to fine-tune a perfect lesson plan... let it be!

Saul's sin was in his pride and his pursuit after his own agenda to please God. He had his own idea of what it meant to please God rather than simply listening and obeying to God's expectations for him. God never asked for the showy sacrifices of the best livestock and the live capture of the Amalekite king. but Saul selfishly reveled in his own glory, and the captured livestock and king were his trophies. God doesn't want my trophies.

i'm a planner and i like to do things my own way. i need to repent for stubbornly trying to live up to my own expectations for myself achieved by my own efforts and actions... and instead  i need to be surrendered to His plans for me and to know that being faithful to His calling is enough. my life is not my own, but His to use.

what is God asking of me today? do that. nothing more, nothing less... "to obey is better than sacrifice."

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