Grasshoppers

Numbers 13:25-14:25

[the seemingly impossible]

For them: the Israelites explored Canaan, the Promised Land, and noticed the fruit, milk, and honey that God promised… and YET they were still filled with 1) fear: of the strong, powerful inhabitants who seemed impossible to defeat, 2) doubt: of their own strength and abilities to conquer them “we seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them (v33).”

For me: i’m teaching a class without training/certification in a subject I have never mastered or cultivated a passion for. often times finding myself racking my brain to understand the material, rushing to finish my lesson plans , replaying all the  “oops” moments in the classroom and wishing to rewind, wallowing in disappointment over my mistakes, drained by students who complain and throw disrespectful glares, etcetc. This, on top of other responsibilities to fulfill and roles to play… brews up a mix of frustration and disappointment bc  it literally seems impossible for someone like me, given my weaknesses and insufficiencies, to do it all well+effectively.  And I wonder why God brought me here and put me in these roles if He and I both know that I can’t do it all.  With past failures coming back to haunt (and taunt) me, fear of failure and doubt of my abilities are stronger than ever.

[complaints, regrets, misunderstandings]

For them: Israelites grumbled and complained about their disappointing and unpromising circumstances – “we were led out of Egypt, for what? For this? We’re in the desert and we’re not even close to this “milk and honey” and now it’s clear that it’s impossible to get there. This sucks! It sucks so much that we’d rather by in slavery in Egypt again and do our own thing than be teased around by God..” (anna choi translation). The complaint: life sucks like this. The regret: shouldn’t have followed God out here, should’ve kept my old life. The misunderstanding: God is not good and does not have the best intentions for us (“why is the Lord brining us to this land only to let us fall by the sword?”)

For me:  I’ve felt just like this. A college student who made a few simple, bold choices to abandon my own dreams to follow God… fast-forward to now… a single working adult who’s been thinking about those choices that seem so foolish now when compared to the rest of the world, the rest of her colleagues, and friends who are on the fast-track to success, security, and glory.

[the affirmation]

For them: out of the ugly mess of ugly attitudes brewing amongst the israelites… Joshua reinforced three truths: 1) God is good. His plans for us are good. His HEART for us is good. He is not the mean-spirited, stingy master that wants to ruin their lives. 2) God is a promise-keeper. He promised to give the land to them and He will do it! Whatever it takes, He will get them there.  3) God is powerful. Do not be afraid because He will conquer their enemies, no matter how strong, God is stronger than they!

For me: remember who God is and His heart for me is so crucial. I want to have such a faith like Joshua… so steadfast, so unshakable, immovable…  if God called me to play these different roles – teacher, lifegroup leader, etc – then of course HE will provide everything I need to fulfill His call. Know Him and know His heart.

[the undeserved forgiveness]

For them: God is so displeased by the Israelites’ “contempt” and “refus[al] to believe.” These are not tangible actions like MURDER or ADULTERY… but these are SINS OF THE HEART that mean a LOT to God. to the point where He has to punish it severely. God forgives them but the Israelites suffer the consequences of their sin by losing their chance to enter into the Promised Land. Scary to think that one moment of “lacking faith” is such a detestable sin before God that could completely cut off His blessings and even alter the course of your future forever.

For me: I need to check my heart more often and repent for my ugly attitude: lacking faith that God’s power can enable me and lacking trust that God has good plans for my future, even though they are completely unknown to me.

[for His Glory]

He forgives. He loves. He redeems my mistakes and failures. Why? Because of His glory. So His glory can be displayed in my life.  This seriously needs to be my mantra for the next few days: not to us, but to Him be all the glory.

-anna