"Little Me"

I don't think I've shared this with anyone before, but whenever I think of myself, I see this little girl. Before I knew Christ, I was this little girl who always kept her head down. She felt hopeless and frustrated because she could not find meaning and purpose in her life. Her Father was calling her name, even before she came to be, but the little girl didn't hear his father's calling for a long time.

Even after she found herself to her Father, she is still not satisfied with her life. Look at that image.
I'm going to speak metaphorically now. Listen carefully. That girl is me. What is making her so sad?
She is sitting on bed of pretty flowers. Why would she be so sad? Those flowers are things her Father had blessed the little girl with. And yet, the girl does not see these countless blessings. You know how when you cry, your vision is blurred? That's why the girl cannot see these blessings clearly. Because the girl wants a lot of things in her life, but solely for selfish reasons. Her Father brings flowers to bless her and make her happy. But because the girl does not get that ONE thing that she wants so much, she can't see these so many other blessings around her that her Father had showered her with.

Like I've shared during my life group this past Tuesday, I was struggling this week with sinful thoughts and desires. God kept telling me to surrender it up to him because what I wanted was not his will for me. I went through a wide range of emotions--frustration, bitterness, anger, sadness--thinking that I deserve these things I wanted because I did this, this, and this. Because I was so consumed with my own desires, I was completely oblivious to so many other things God had blessed me with, especially his specific calling for me in my life. King David's humble prayer cleared my vision to see these blessings around me:

"Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? And as if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign Lord, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign Lord?" -2 Samuel 7:18-19

I've never heard such  humble and desperate prayer such as this. Instead of me demanding these things from God, I should be like, "who do I think I am to ask for these things?" He had done ENOUGH for me. He loves me soooo much. He loves you soooo much. We have no idea because his love is immeasurable. Praise God, because I surrendered my desire up to God and I've gained this overwhelming sense of freedom. Recently, so many people have asked me for prayer. I feel so embarrassed and unworthy because I don't ever consider myself as a prayer warrior or remotely reliable for prayer. But I've been so convicted to pray, pray, and pray. It's a huge blessing for me--to be the intercessor for the people around me. And I've realized that this is what God is calling me to do.

God knows me SO WELL. So I'm going to obey his will and fulfill his calling for me joyfully :)
Truly, his thoughts and ways are so much higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9). And I will be joyful always, and pray continually in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). Not only am I going to pray, but I will also ask God to make me a faithful servant with the right heart to serve, I don't have to be acknowledged or praised for what I do for my reward is in heaven and that is enough for me. I cannot thank God enough!
God is good. So good. :)

-Angela